no idols; how i avoid feelings of envy by disconnecting from celebrity/influencer culture
i once read that “no one is above you,” and this simple phrase has stuck with me ever since. no matter what society tells us, it doesn’t matter what someone looks like, how much money they have, what resources they have, there is literally not a single person on this earth that is above you.
there is no reason to idolize anyone.
as a young child, i struggled with answering the question “who are your heroes?” i never really had an answer. there were many people i admired and whose lives i dreamed of mirroring, but when i was asked that question, no one other than my parents came to mind. i always answered “my mother and father” even though i had/have toxic relationships with both of them. my mother and father were and are still the closest things to “heroes” to me. i saw them do what seemed like the impossible many times. they are two senegalese immigrants who came to Harlem in the early ‘90s with no friends, family, learned English, and worked minimum wage jobs until their kids, my siblings and i became a reflection of their efforts. they labored for years to pour into us...four first-generation kids, all private school educated, one top twenty graduate (me), one soon to be Ivy Leave graduate, and two high school students still discovering themselves. i highlight our education because our schooling is the highlight of their parenting. without my parent’s sacrifices including physical estrangement from their families in Senegal & assimilation into a hostile culture, i wouldn’t be where i am today. so yes, when i think of heroes, i don’t think of black idols like Michelle Obama, Angela Davis, Harriet Tubman, or Martin Luther King Jr., i think of the parents that created me.
i admire many people, including some of the people i listed above, but i don’t idolize them. i don’t idolize anyone and i never will.
to idolize is to “admire, revere, or love greatly or excessively.”
when you place people on a pedestal, you strip them of their true humanity. you don’t see them for who they actually are, you don’t understand them for who they are, you are only capable of understanding them through how you perceive them, which is inherently limited and biased.
when you idolize people you create false illusions, when you create illusions you create unrealistic expectations for yourself and people that you do not know, and when you hold them to these expectations, you exist in a cycle of perpetual disappointment.
growing up Muslim, i never understood why idolization was considered “the Unforgivable Sin,” but as i spend whole days doomscrolling through IG and Twitter. i’m starting to understand why. i have come across entire Twitter pages dedicated to emulating the personas of celebrities. the worst fandoms seem to be “The Barbz” for Nicki Minaj and all of the K-pop groups. i’ve seen REAL people get doxxed online— people’s entire addresses & identities exposed on the internet because they disagreed with one of these fandoms. in fact, i even tweeted something about the Barbz yesterday and woke up to a slew of slut-shaming tweets & other insults about my appearance. my feelings aren’t hurt by any means and anyone who knows me knows i love Nicki Minaj’s entire discography, but i stand on the belief that no one is above critique. all humans are flawed, some more than others. i was concerned by the mere fact that these people hide under fake accounts with 30 followers and Nicki Minaj avis. i’d ask who normalized this culture, but deep down i already know the answer. as transformative as social media can be for people’s lives, careers, and social mobility, an insidious culture that has proven to be equally destructive also exists.
idolization in general is concerning because what starts as an innocent admiration can easily transform into an obsession. this is why in Islam, there are no photos of Prophet Muhammad. to even depict him would be the greatest insult to Muslims.
recently, i’ve detached and tried to disassociate from celebrity culture although i still gossip about the ridiculous shit that i see. last spring, during the peak of the pandemic, i deleted my old instagram. i was pretty nervous about it, but i felt so much ease afterwards. i limited my exposure to these unattainable lifestyles that were flooding my timeline on the daily. i accepted that i am exactly where i’m supposed to be. stalking influencers who were curating a certain lifestyle was never going to get me closer to where i needed to be. i reflected on the jealousy i felt when on social media and tapped into myself. i used my journal to create realistic goals for myself and i stripped away the age benchmarks i set for certain things like getting my first book published.
this pandemic has shown me that time is fake. i can and will experience this life with no restrictions from myself. i will achieve my goals according to the universe’s timeline. anything that i desire is attainable.
during my three month period off IG, much of my materialism faded. (my materialism is back now, but by choice not out of wanting to keep up with the trends.) i grew more in tune with myself. i let go of many of my desires and identified the things that i truly wanted for myself. i set realistic goals for myself. i understood that although everyone on IG and Twitter has a Tesla, their own apartment, and a seemingly happy romantic relationship, i didn’t really know what went on behind the pictures. true happiness lies within ourselves not in our material possessions.
i accept that diving timing is everything. things are happening for people as they should. you cannot rush anything because what is for you will present itself when it is meant to be in your life. i have decided to focus on having fun in real life. anyone can create any type of life on social media, and the sooner you realize that, the easier it will be to let go of your false desires.
during my IG hiatus, i also had a twitter account with less than 400 followers so my exposure was limited to updates about my friend’s lives and viral memes. when i decided to go back on social media in late august, i didn’t follow ANY celebrities. i wanted to reduce my feed to positive and realistic lifestyles so that i wouldn’t grow envious of the things that others had. slowly, i followed a few influencers who were “girl bosses” because i was inspired by them and their journeys. i also followed one celebrity, Saweetie, because she’s gorgeous and her energy is infectious, i can’t even help but tune in to her life.
as i sit here and reflect on celeb culture, i can’t help but think about how many people are obsessed with awful people. yesterday, i almost reposted a picture of an IG model and then remembered how she dated a violent abuser and thought to myself... “you really engaged with her photo and almost boosted it for what? because she’s pretty?” i’m realizing that although these celebrities and influencers might always have their platforms and my individual boycotting doesn’t mean anything, but if there were more people like me, we could hold these people accountable. they are literally supported by our engagement.
too often i hear “i separate the art from the artist” when someone is accused of doing something heinous, but what people don’t realize is that when you support the art, you are directly supporting the artist. i myself am working on deleting the works of certain musicians who have been accused of being abusers. there isn’t any music good enough to excuse that type of behavior and continue to pour money into those types of people’s pockets.”
because i have no idols, i’m rarely disappointed by celebrities and their actions. i’m often disgusted, but not disappointed. i no longer hold expectations for people i don’t know and life is much easier this way. less disappointment means less stress & most importantly less energy exhausted on people who do no matter in my life.
people pour so much money and support into these celebrities and influencers when they are surrounded by their friends who are equally or more talented. that’s absolutely ridiculous to think about, but it is a reality. i choose not to live that way. my energy is currently focused on my friends. i want to support my friend’s art, music, films, writing, and business adventures, so that’s exactly what i’ll be doing more of in the near future. if you’re reading this, i suggest you do the same. it’s time to lift your friends up. tune inward and into your community.
i don’t care for a brand. i used to, but i’ve found success in being myself. i’m going to continue to live authentically, write through the journey, and remain idol-less.