when the noise gets too loud

what do you do when the noise around you is too loud? threatening to overcome the quietness you have discovered in newfound self-peace, self-worth, and sanity? ...when the self-deprecating thoughts that have been on mute for weeks begin to creep back into your mental - too eager to return you back to your lowest. ...when things go from “i’m good” to “i could be better” to “i’m not okay”? ...when the sun is shining, but you can’t enjoy the warmth because all you can think of is the reality that the clouds will be back.

in these moments i freeze. pause. breathe. allow myself to feel. because feelings - whatever they may be: anger, resentment, embarrassment, sadness...provide release.

it’s okay to freeze sometimes, even when the world is constantly spinning...even when everything and everyone around you is moving.

it’s okay to freeze because sometimes things get heavy and it’s hard to breathe.

you know they say god sends his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. i say he sends them to everyone. they tell you this almost as if to say it’s okay to continuously hurt, and it’s not. everyone deserves healing for their hurting. we all deserve to enjoy the sun when it comes out.

they say healing isn’t linear, i agree. it’s not supposed to go smoothly. somedays you feel brand new- the air is clearer, and breathing is easy and other days, life is crippling.

it doesn’t matter what else is going on. when it (whatever it may be) hurts too much, you pause.

the world will continue to spin without you. people will live their lives without you. but how will you live your life without preserving your peace?

these are the realizations i force myself to have when everything feels like too much.

(unfinished)